Everyone needs ways to express themselves, even if only when alone, to try out new things and get unstuck. One way that I enjoy is to dance. When I was in college I used to go out to my favorite bar that had a little dance floor downstairs, and I would sit with a pitcher of beer watching people for a while, then eventually when things got heated up (literally, the windows would steam up in there and I couldn't see the people walk by on the sidewalk) I would go down and join the people who were dancing.

At first, I would be polite, and try to fit in to a little space in a corner - it was a small floor, with a tiny DJ booth - but when a song I really loved came on, like "Cities In Dust", then I would just close my eyes and really move. By the time the song ended, I would open them to find that everyone had cleared to the edges and they were all watching, smiling. They liked how I got in to it so much. A couple times, they clapped, which was a bit embarrassing. I wasn't doing it for that, I just couldn't help myself!

I don't go out to clubs at this point, I haven't danced anywhere in years, except by myself, but I would if I could. I love "Just Dance" and "Tik Tok", and lots of songs by Kaskade. I am willing to try the not-very-danceable songs, with changes of tempo and completely different bridges or whatnot. Tik Tok is a good example. So cool! It says two wildly different things about this person, and me, when I am dancing to it. To move to something like that is a matter of interpretation, and improvising, so it is inherently creative. I have lots of crazy-different facets, and dancing is one way to express them, even if only by myself. I can't keep it in for long without becoming morose. So, don't! Just Dance!

One problem I have had for years is where to do it. Indoors is tough, because the spaces I have available are not very big, and they have furniture and stuff in them, and I am very tall, so I can actually touch the ceiling with my fingers, which is distracting and feels closed-in. Outdoors is nice, when I can get away to a place that I am pretty sure I will not be seen. Because this is the thing: If I am in a club with music, then I am performing steps I have probably already tried out, or at least, I know people are there, and it is no problem being seen. It just is. But if I am trying out something new, alone, I really want privacy. Being watched then would be very personal, and I am not going to have it. Creating dance, or any other thing, is inward, coming from deep inside ourselves, and can be more private than sex (someone else there is a given) or praying or even using the toilet. To me, dancing is like praying. It is how I give thanks to God, praise, express my love, give Him my problems and worries, ask for help... It is all the functions of prayer. There is a difference between giving a sermon, and writing it. So when I am reaching to my core for new ways of moving, I don't want to be observed.

I have an intuitive form of exercise which is known to some people. But when I was taught it, somewhere else years ago, I just thought, "I have been doing this since I was a child!" So it was not really new to me. Also, people all do it together. One is meant to do it with eyes closed and not to watch other people, but it is right out there where others in nearby houses could see, etc. I wasn't really able to do that, because I couldn't see it as just 'exercise'. It is for me like: "with my body I thee worship." So, recently, we cleared a space outside, in the woods, and that is now where I can do this form of 'exercise' (more a limbering of the soul, if you ask me) and also practice dance. This is what I have been waiting for.

Years ago I didn't know why dance was so important to me, but now I do. Now I need to more than ever, lest I shrivel up and die. "Don't die with your music still in you", says Wayne Dyer. Or, your dance! "Don't stop, don't stop the dance" (Roxy Music). Let's Go! 

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